Blew Por

i hav e verri seriowes kondishun, korld blew por.  mi pors ar blew.

the vannesser hadd to paynt the flor in the yewtilitee rume.  i stud in it, wen it wos not kwite dri.  i put nise por printz on the woshing macheen.

the rume had to be paynted bocos ov me.

wen i wos nu heer, i weed on the flor.  the tiles got orl disgusting and the vanesser tuke them up.  then, ajes layter, she has finerly paynted it.  it luks nise, blew, with littorl por prints in.

merlin, magic

no,no,no

no, we did nott sit tugether in the sayme barsket.  That is a phallasee.

ohh, bother.

ted, the grumpee wun

Fully recovered and no ill effects

Berri is fully recovered and properly naughty again after his illness, and I did not have any ill effects from all that vegan yumminess!  Simon has started to keep his food hidden from me again in the Landrover, bother.  He does not always take me to work now, as it has got quite hot some days and would be too warm for me to be in the car.

We went to Crackington Haven the other day.  It was very annoying, as the nasty Vanessa and Simon would not let us go on the beach.  They said the signs said we could not from Easter.   We could see a dog on the beach, it was not fair, and just some conspiracy by the uprights to keep us sand-free.  It was nice on the cliffs, I posed for this photo above the beach and the uptites had a tasty coffee in the cafe.

Simon must have taken this one, it has a finger in the corner!  Sky is being camera shy, a first for her.

love,  Barney

Vegan food, and the containers it came in, om nom nom

I had two tubes of vegan pate stuff called Tartex yesterday, and a pack of cheezly.  The plastic containers were particularly yummy.  Simon had got all relaxed as I have not stolen anything for a while.  hahaha.

Poorly sick

I am a bit poorly sick and sorry for myself.  Vanessa and Simon think I must have eaten something bad, I like most things, so that is probably what happened.  I hope I will be better soon, as I want some tasty toast, but even that  makes me feel ill just now.  I went to see the nasty vet, I will probably have to have this and that stuffed down my throat now.

Manifestos

The animals who live at Michael House have been preparing their manifestos in readiness for the forthcoming elections.

Berri - Liberal Democrat,  libertarian.  This is the party for the happy-go-lucky dog.  Free dog food at all times.    Abolish veterinarians.  Provide more rabbits for chasing.  Bigger beaches, with better sandcastles to wee on.  Electoral reform, pah, who cares about elections?  Sand is what it is all about, sand.

Merlin.  Monster Raving Looney partee.  Tumbling where we go.  Charjing abowt in eni direkshun with no particular plann, but desperate, desperate.  Wot for?   Not shure, but desperate nun the less.  'Lepe befor you look' is wot we stand for.

Barney - conservative.  Keep beds in all rooms, at all times.  Food available at all times, at low level, saves awkward climbing.  Cat food, om nom nom.  Maintain full rubbish bins and compost heaps, with interesting bits to snuffle at.  Avoid change.  Keep Landrover for me, avoid other humans apart from Simon sitting in it, eg Vanessa.  Maintain the status quo.

Ted.  Laybor, old stile.  Re nationalize all wild kreetchers for me to katch,  eg, myce.  Mayk union membership kompulsery, my union is the Trade Eschews  Demokracy Union, TED.  Wot dus Eschews mean?

Sky. British Nationalist Party. All animals with foreign sounding names or short legs can get out of this country, eg. the chihuahua, Pekignese, sausage dog. All cats must be abolished, starting with non British cats, eg the Maine Coon and the Siamese. They have no place in a proper collie world and are pushing us out of our jobs managing the balls. A strong leader is needed, me, with the power to impose stringent laws. More balls are what this party calls for. More balls.

All wild creatures, robins, throstles, frogs and their spawn, sparrows, slugs waiting for the warmth and noms to be planted, Green Party.  Nuff said.

Fun

Today I had the best fun of my life. We went out in the car to somewhere called Bodmin Moor. The ground was all white and strange. When I walked my paws sank in, and I thought the world was collapsing. I just lay down until the ground stopped giving way and my tummy got cold, then tried again. But, it collapsed again and again, but only a little way (about 5 inches). Then I discovered it was fun to walk in and there was solid ground all the time underneath the white and cold stuff, which is called snow. Then I had a little run and rolled round in it and it was just brilliant. Berri ran and ran, he loved it straight away and knew all about it, and Sky just played ball and was a bit cross that it kept disappearing into the snow.

this is me on an altogether warmer day